Whispering Lies of Love
by CrazyKittyDemon
Summary: Shikamaru contemplates the reprocussions of pretending to be love with Ino, and considers how much he has changed since his love died. Please R&R. Implied Yaoi pairing.


Author's Crap:

Disclaimer: I don't want to say this, but I don't want to get sued more so here we go; I DO NO T OWN NARUTO, you know I don't own it. If I did own it….. would I be writing fanfics? OH WELL…we all hate diclaimers but we all have to do it I guess.

Rating: T (for safety)

Description: Shikamaru ponders his relationship with Ino, built on lies and remembers a time when he had "him". It's a bit of a bad description but the story is better, promise. Implied Shika yaoi.

This is just a little fluff thing I came up with a couple of nights ago, Its kind of depressing (my friends think it's borderline emo but whatever) but it actually turned out the way I wanted to, which is a surprise. I am in the process of writing a few longerstories, which will start posting soon. PLEASE READ THEM!! Some are Yaoi and some aren't but read them any way.

On with the story. Please don't flame me it would make me sad.

Sakka-tan (Authoress)

It wasn't hard to say. Not to Ino. They were, after all, just three tiny words, not unlike any others out there; I love you. That wasn't hard. He sighed, quietly. It should be hard, but it wasn't.

In any other situation he would never have to say them at all. If there was no family and clan expectations and shinobi rules resting heavily on his shoulders, things would be different. Maybe if he had lived his life by what he had wanted instead of by others needs, he would have chosen for himself, not them. Perhaps if he wasn't expected to mold and conform to the troublesome expectations society thrust at him, he would live a very different life.

Yes, things would most definitely be different. Because although he could whisper those coveted words in her ear a thousand times, in all truth and honesty, he didn't love her. In any other situation he wouldn't be with her.

He couldn't remember what made him say it the first time. He'd known she'd liked him well enough, but he hadn't wanted her. She'd never been more than a pesky team mate and friend. Maybe it was the pain of losing him, his first love, which had pushed the lazy nin to do it. Sometimes he wondered if it was Chouji's undying determination to have her that had given him the idea. Regardless of the incentive, it was a lie. One he had repeated a million times. They're first time together, his proposal, the day she had come to him, tears tracked with tears of shock and fear, with news that she was pregnant. Each of these moments, and more, he'd repeated those three words in confidence, and everytime had been a lie.

He'd hurt people with it too, Chouji for one. Shikamaru could see the pain in his best friends eyes every time he an Ino passed by, hands intertwined lovingly. Shikamaru knew her eyes had always skipped over his friend, to Sasuke, and what the Uchiha was gone, to Shikamaru himself, even though it was always Chouji who had wanted her. He saw it too. Even so, the look of betrayal in his eyes every time he thought no one was looking, it hurt.

"You knew. I trusted that you wouldn't go do something like this when I told you my secret." he'd screamed at Shikamaru, when he'd heard about him and Ino dating "I know your secret though, Shika. I know about him"

Shikamaru cringed at that thought. He could recall the funeral from his mind as if it were only yesterday. He couldn't forget the way his mother sobbed, in misery, when she saw his body, clinging to her boy as if to raise him from the dead. He was only 16, no one could lose their son that early. His team mates stood, looking down into the open casket. She'd reached down and grabbed his hand, gently kissing his palm, tears rolling down her cheeks. The peaceful look on his face, as if he was only sleeping. Shikamaru had wished he could stand there too, allowed to kiss his cheeks and lips and hold his body closely on last time before they lay him in his grave. He had loved him, been loved by him, and he wanted everyone to know. He wanted to tell the world.

But he couldn't. To the entire world they were separate. He was a fallen shinobi who had lost so much and never had the chance to love, and Shikamaru was a comrade and friend, honoring the dead. There was nothing more to it. So he hadn't even cried. Not at the funeral and not when he lay all alone and awke in his room. He'd locked up the emotions, bottled up all his feelings.

A moment later Ino burst through the bedroom doors and glided towards him. Even four months pregnant she was graceful and beautiful. He didn't need to lie about that. She was gorgeous, just not…right.

She smiled brightly in his direction and he grinned back. He closed the final steps between them, throwing his arms around her waist, his hands resting on her butt cheeks, his forehead against hers, their noses brushing.

_And thus began the dance_

"I'm home" she whispered, giggling, her soft breath tickled her boyfriend's lips teasingly.

_Choreographed to perfection_

"I'm glad" He answered simply, his smile growing wider and more convincing. Her bright eyes beamed up at him, like sparkling amethysts, wanting to believe.

_Executed with such fluidity and grace, it seems true_

Gently she wraps her arms around Shikamaru's neck, bringing her lips to his. Their lips move on one another and their tongues dance and tangle. The kiss is so loving and perfect, for a moment it is just 

like kissing him, for a moment he believes he is. But he can't be. He is dead. Grief is so much, he pushes her away.

_Yet one slip will reveal the truth is so far from it._

Ino looks up, confused and hurt. "Not today" he whispers sadly, looking suddenly exhausted, "not now." She nods. She is used to this thing from him by now. The sad, unexplained, rejections haunt her, always keeping an arm's length between them. She wants to close that gap, but he would never let her. She doesn't like it, but she loves him. All she wants is to know him fully, to understand him. Is that really such a crime?

She smiles at him apologetically; for what she apologizes, she has no idea, but it always makes things better. He tries to return the smile but the stress turns it to more of a grimace. Ino wonders if he has ever been truly happy or if it is just her that makes him this way. She grabs a basket of laundry hurrying from the room. Love or not, she cannot be around him right now.

Shikamaru watches her leave the room silently, cursing under his breath when she is gone. He is being selfish and he knows it. It has been three years since that funeral, three years he's been with Ino. He has told himself to get over it, he had to do it; for himself and for Ino. Besides there was no way for Ino to understand what was going on. After all he had never explained things to her. She had no idea he had even existed, at least she had not known that the two had been close at all. He didn't want to hurt her anymore, after all she was his friend at least.

For a moment he just stares at the door. 'Is it worth it' he wondered for a moment, 'is what he puts everyone around him through, is it really worth what he gets from it' After a moment he finds he doesn't care. Perhaps in the beginning, he could have ended things, but now he will hurt more by doing that than by not.

Ino was in the kitchen, washing dishes, when he found her. She didn't hear him enter the room so he sneaks behind her, wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug, resting his cheek against her warm back, his hands splay out protectively on her pregnant belly.

_Once again the dance begins_

"I'm sorry" He whispers in her ears. Warm hands come to rest on top of his. He can feel the cold metal of an engagement ring against his skin.

_The choreography begins to play in our heads, neither of us believes, but we play our parts well_

"It's fine" She whispers quietly smiling softly and leaning into her boyfriends hold. It seems so sincere. It isn't, but it is easier to lie and say it is.

_We move with fluidity and grace, we cannot fall out of step_

Suddenly I feel a soft movement under my palm. "Our baby is kicking" I say gently. She smiles when I say "our". Her eyes look up at me shining as if to say "I can't wait."

_Each movement can be improvised with ease to deal with what is unexpected_

"I love you so much Ino" I murmur into her hair. But these are words, only words. I bury my face in her neck, partly to hide the tears that threaten to spill over and partly because, for the first time ever, I want it to be true. I want to believe what I say. I want her to believe.

"I know" she answers. I lean down and whisper words of love in her ear. Word we both know aren't true. Lies we both want to believe.

They're what we live by, lies of love.

So I'm considering doing a sequel to this…I'm not sure about it though. Half of me really likes where it ended, like okay they don't love each other but they want to and they live with that reality, and the other half says they deserve another chance at a happy ending…what do you guys think?

Another thing, I want you guy's to tell me who you imagined "he" as. There is no right answer really I'm just curious.

C YA!!

SAKKA-TAN


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